“the no man’s land of lactation” Finding the answers to your weaning questions right in your own heart.
There is lots of talk about the first days of lactation: learning to latch, learning your baby’s feeding cues, learning how to build your milk supply. The weeks and months following the birth of your baby and all the adjustments that come with that are intense. For these weeks and months there are also clear milestones, ones that are talked about often and for which there is a fair amount of guidance.
Once the introduction of solids happens around 6 months, and into the months and years that follow, things can get a little wishy washy for a nursing parent. Sure, the AAP recommends nursing for one year or longer and the WHO recommends nursing for two years and beyond, but there is little guidance for the “how” so you may feel like you are in
“the no man’s land of lactation”.
Assuming you have gotten the proper support and have not been prematurely stopped by the million obstacles that stand in the way of your lactation journey: racism, capitalism, sexism, broken medical system, to name a few, it is up to you how and when you and your child will nurse.
The average person assumes you can just turn nursing off like a faucet. Puff! all that sweat, angst, love and bonding should just be able to switch gears like no big deal. Not true! IT IS a big deal!! It's how you have fed, communicated with, and loved your baby. It is how you have become a parent. Heck, it has determined what kind of clothes you wear and how you think of your day in terms of when you need to pump or nurse. You may have the habit of randomly feeling your chest to see if it is time to nurse or pump.
It is so much more than food.
Just some of the many question that may be swirling in your mind:
“Am I supposed to be working towards transitioning to other types of milk?”
“My baby is so distracted and our old routine of ‘on demand nursing is shifting” “I think I am ready to drop the night time feeds, but how?”
“I think I will want to wean soon but I am not emotionally ready”
“Is it okay to still be nursing, I don’t know anyone else who has nursed this long” “How will I show my baby/child love if I don’t nurse them?”
There is no baby book that can answer these complex and highly personal types of questions because there is no simple answer. The only answer is the one that feels right for you and your baby. The only answer is the one of tuning into where you are in your journey.
The problem with finding these personal answers is that you are a busy parent who is getting bombarded with questions and answers from society, from your family, from your own inner judge, from doctor’s, from... the list goes on.
So if you are feeling like you are ready to make a shift in you lactation journey and you are feeling the weight of all the information and opinions on top of your own emotions and desires, grab a pen and paper (or your phone/computer) and let's get out of your head and into what is really in your heart.
Find a 15 minute chunk of time (maybe with your baby/kid asleep on your lap:) and for each of these writing prompts give yourself 3 minutes. Whatever you do, keep writing even if you need to repeat yourself, just keep writing, even if it doesn’t make sense.
What I will miss most about nursing/giving my milk to my baby:
When I am not nursing/giving my child my milk, I will give my child love by:
For this last prompt, just really let it take you...if you need to write the prompt out a couple times, just do that and whatever you do, keep writing!
What I really want to say is:
Look over what you have written and let it rest with you. Is there anything that surprised you? Brought you to tears? Made you feel proud?
Let your own truth inform your path ahead. Remember you can always make adjustments. You and your child are very adaptable.
Community helps!! Share with those you feel safe with.
If you would like to have the experience of reflection and sharing and writing in community, please join one of our monthly “Turning Leaves” Sessions.
The Turning Leaves session is a space where you will be able to be affirmed and heard by others and where you will really know you are not alone in “figuring this all out”...though it is really not figure-out-able. We are all just feeling our way along.
Further reading: “Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matter”- Amy Brown. “When Breastfeeding Sucks: What you need to know about nursing aversion and agitation” -Zainab Yate
